Whatta Guy

The Food Network is hawking the Guy Fieri “Knuckle Sandwich” cutlery collection just in time for Father’s Day. Curious as I am, I had to click on the offer in my email and see what these nifty knives are all about. Uggh. There is nothing more lame than kitchen gear, well, geared toward men. But this testimonial from the Big Bite “star” is so enticing, I almost, ahem, bit:

"I’m a Hot Rod guy who knows that in order to do car-building right, you need high quality performance parts. The same idea applies to cooking, so the right knives are key. My product features a combination of the best materials with a design that will blow your mind! As a chef, restaurant owner, and TV personality, I have high expectations for my equipment and these knives meet and exceed all of them."

Just kidding. Though I do wonder how, exactly, my mind would be blown by cutlery design.

Notice how “hot rod” equates to masculinity in Guy’s peroxide damaged brain. My father can’t even change a tire, let alone be considered a “hot rod guy,” but he wouldn’t be caught dead using the lame-ass knives. Guess I’ll have to look elsewhere for a gift.

The only time a man belongs in a kitchen is when he’s installing cabinets or reaching something off the top (or second or third from the top, in my case) shelf. (Maybe that's a bit sexist --but it's OK as you'll notice it offends both sexes. Sorry transgenders). I take my kitchen seriously!