Apr 29, 2010

Any Plans for the Weekend?

Hey gals. The guest of honor called to confirm for Saturday. Let's just put it this way...she sounds pretty blunt. This is going to fan-friggin-tastic.

Good thing we'll have Belvedere and Mel's "poke cake."


Apr 27, 2010

Accessibility: The Hallmark of a Good Dictator

I read today that Hugo Chavez now has a Twitter account. Apparently, he’s joined President Obama and Fidel Castro (who I didn’t even realize was still alive) in this nonsense. In theory, this makes them all "more accessible" to hoi polloi who are obsessed with this kind of bullshit.

So, is social networking the new “Fireside Chat”? Or is political discourse officially now on the same level as “BoobQuake”?

Apr 22, 2010

Let's Just Ban the Children

I read an article today aptly titled “Tobacco in Candy-like Form Can Poison Kids.” It examined a new wave of artificially flavored, smokeless tobacco products that are, allegedly, going to confuse and/or entice the youngsters. This confusion will lead them into a downward spiral of addiction and eventual death from nicotine poisoning, choking, or cancer (or maybe all three, I didn’t read to the end).

You’re probably thinking “Wow, I want to try these.” Well, that’s exactly the point. Designed to be desired by a new market segment (read: middle schoolers) these nicotine delivery devises assume the shape of breath strips (my personal favorite as a kid), and snus. Whatever the hell a snus is.

Here are some excerpts from the at-odds experts quoted in the article:

"Nicotine is a poison, and now we're seeing smokeless tobacco products that look like Tic Tacs or M&M's, which parents can leave on the counter and children can be attracted to."


"The packaging of Camel Orbs and the other dissolvable products is ‘100 percent child-resistant in accordance with Consumer Product Safety Commission standards’ and bears a label that says ‘Keep Out of Reach of Children.’"

I won’t credit either statement because they are both equally ridiculous and the people who were quoted should be ashamed.

Anyone can see that the issue here is not nicotine-infused breath mints. It’s whether or not tobacco should be banned. This battle, which seems to come to a head every so often, is moot. It’s one fight that is never going to be won (until we have socialized medicine), because it is so screwed up. Because it is so American.

The problem is not the new Camel Orbs or snus. It’s the hypocrisy of the American Way. What we have here is a big fight among the treasured American ideals of capitalism, freedom, science (from both sides of the issue), agriculture, etc. You’ll notice I left out common sense – yeah, that was on purpose.

Looming large in this debate are capitalism and freedom.

Ahh, capitalism. “Big tobacco” has pretty much admitted that their products are addictive and cause all sorts of health issues. But, despite the “medical community” and “Government regulators” they still have a product. They are running a business. To that end, they need to keep that product viable to stay in business – support the economy and all that. How does a tobacco company keep a product viable? By reformulating and repackaging like every other fucking consumer product. Oh, and by groooooowing their customer base.

And freedom. Yes, We the People have the freedom to put whatever we want into our bodies. Except what the Government tells us we can’t, like trans-fats and sex toys (if you reside in Texas). Let it ring.

So, the “medical community” and, apparently, the youth are shit out of luck on this one.

And while the Orbs are no doubt dangerous, like most things that look pretty and taste good, I still want to try them.

R.J. Reynolds 1, The Surgeon General 0.

Apr 13, 2010


For those of us out of work or looking to move on, the Internet is just chock full of advice on how to make your resume stand out, what to wear to your first, second, and third interviews, and how HR gatekeepers are judging applicants by the kind of cell phone they carry.

It’s a mad, mad, mad, world.

The other day, I came across a particularly ridiculous piece about dining etiquette for “meal interviews.” The article was pretty common sense until it got to the part where it said not to season your food until you taste it first. Apparently this shows “poor impulse control.” Now, HR Weekly dot com or whatever may be content to buy this attempt at bullshit organizational psychology, but I know better.

At the best of restaurants, the server barely has time to back away from placing the plate on the table before the pepper mill man slips in and asks, of course, “You wanna fresha peppa?”

To that question, I do not pause and taste test my salad or entrĂ©e. I simply and confidently say “yes.” Especially in the case of white foods, like the fettuccine Alfredo the interview etiquette warned me against. I let the mill man go nuts for one reason: it obviously does not have pepper on it. If my potential employer doesn’t realize that, then there is a problem. And this is the sort of problem that is only going to get worse over time. If you can’t even see that the pallid Alfredo is in dire need of cracked black pepper, how are you ever going to notice the subtle nature of my genius?

Call me nutso, but seasoning my food doesn’t mean I can’t control myself. It means I know enough to ask for what I want. All the other interview advice says to act confidently, arm yourself with information, and sharpen your negotiating skills…so why pick on the pepper?

Apr 9, 2010

How You Like Me Now?

So, I participated in the Kia Sorento Ride & Drive @ the NY International Auto Show.

The ride was definitely not as fun as the advertising led me to believe it would be...

Apr 2, 2010

Thank You

John sold the Hyundai today. Yes, this one.

I'm gonna call you "Spanky" all weekend long..

Apr 1, 2010

Quite Kubrick

...The conjugal life is bathed in red, at first, and death and danger in blue -- until the film begins switching and juxtaposing them incessantly to create underlying tension. (From a film review of Eyes Wide Shut by Janet Maslin, NYT; 7/16/99)

 I just wanted a pic of my new shades for the ladies at the office.